Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Time heals.

It was a year ago when I was driving in the midst of the night.
I called her and told her about my plan to set up an e-mail.

To have someone open it once I surrender to eternity.
To reveal what has been hiding for years.
My deepest darkest secret.
The ultimate clue why I could never be a nice friend.
And then after minutes of me releasing my burden, she asked me
"Won't you regret it once everything change?"
Firmly, with no hesitation I simply reply
"Nothing will change. No matter what, it will remain the same"

Then here I am today.
And she was right, everything has changed.
I fell multiple times but I rose again.
I could stand still now.
I found my happiness.
For that I am so grateful.

It is not the same with a year ago.
I thank God for granting me those experiences.
Those were the best I could have at that time.
Besides, those were what I need at that time.

Things evolved.
Seasons comes and goes.
But most of all:
Time heals, eventually.

Monday, May 22, 2017

22/5/2017

Just so you know that your voice is my favorite thing.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

You never know what tomorrow brings

Yesterday a dear friend of mine told me that I am a bit less uptight than I used to be, that I started to take things slowly. It might be true. Earlier this year, I prepared to take a big step in my life. I planned to make a change and was so ready to do this and that. I have already made a fuss on the preparation it self. In short, I was so busy preparing stuff for months ahead.

Then on April I was diagnosed with this disease. I had to undergo treatment in the course of several months. My medical condition forced me to lose what I have planned. I lost my chance to have a change in my career. I have to give up what I was planned and thought for months.

See? I have to say goodbye to the thing that I almost have. That is when I realized that everything can happen, everything can change in a wink. There are things outside our control that may occur whether we want it or not. Bad things, good things - they happen in the way that sometimes you cannot predicted. And worrying is not a good way to overcome those things. So, just let go things. Stop worrying for it won't change a thing. Enjoy the moment. Think less about what happened or what will. Live in now. For you don't know what tomorrow brings.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

What matters the most

Bad thing happens. In the way we could not imagine. In the form we have never predicted. In the time we could not foresee.

The moment I thought I was on the top of the world, ready to pursuit my new goal - that's it. That's how reality kicked in.

And then I realized how every single thing I used to take for granted - it matters.
The daily situation I complained due to its dullness - it matters
The ability to just walk in a peaceful feeling - it matters
The moment I can talk cheerfully without guilt - it matters
The morning I could spend by sipping on my favorite Java Chip - it matters
The random late night travel to the mountain side - it matters

Yet I took those things for granted. It is cliche but true that we don't appreciate what we have until it is taken away from us.

As I write this I realize - so many are the things I have that I don't be grateful for.

A healthy body to function normally. The family that is full of joy and love. The job I enjoy. Those I love who love me back.

So starting today, being grateful would be one of my personal trait. I do hope I will always be.


Friday, August 26, 2016

Regret

There are two great causes of regret: the thing we did and the thing we did not do. Someone once told me that between those two, the thing he did not do was the one that harmed him more. At that time I was completely agree with him. But recently, I kinda thing that it is the thing I did that cause more pain to me. The words I said, the act I chose - the memory of that day keep repeating inside my head and haunting me. Sometimes you can hate your self more than you hate anyone else. You hurt the people you love and you regret it. Well, words cause mess sometimes.

Faith

I know how it feels to lose something. Name it a book I like, my favorite cellphone, my lovely white top, and so on. I've been coping with losing just like others human being. I went mad for a while, turned sad, and puff, as the time passed by, some lost completely lost on the way, while some still left scar till today. However, I learn that the most devastated feeling incurred by the feeling of losing faith in someone you are close to. Once you lose your faith, there is nothing spared. To have faith on someone means you trust them. Once that faith broke, you will find your self sitting alone, at your favorite coffee shop, with no idea how to bring back what lost from you.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Angels

Maybe i try to be one. 

Friday, August 5, 2016

I was there

In the rain when you caught a flu
I was there.
In the middle of thunderstorm when you cried over your mom's whereabout
I was there.
In the midnight when darkness is solid you could not see anything
I was there.
In the evening when you twisted your leg
I was there.

In the morning when you smile for everything you achieved.
I was not there.

I guess your bad days suit me well.


Monday, July 25, 2016

Sincerity

It is sincerity that we need the most in this troubled world and problematic self. To be sincere in everything we do. To be sincere in everything we say. To not expect anything in return. To not count the good deeds we have done. 

It is the sincerity that keeps us going on. The sincerity to make others happy. The sincerity to always give the best of us. The sincerity to sacrifice for those we love. The sincerity to provide kindness unconditionally.

It is the sincerity that manages us to be sane. The sincerity to give and not wanting back. The sincerity to apologize for our negative minds. The sincerity to forgive before one says sorry.

Recently, it is the sincerity that saves me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

not a quite good advise

Forgive me for being a rambling bitch today, but I was sipping my favorite coffee when I somehow stumbled upon her blog. Her blog used to be my favorite daily dose but since things have changed, I've almost never had a chance to read it again. So when this very afternoon I visited her blog and scrolled down to the few latest entries, I found she said in her blog that we should follow our heart because our heart knows the truth. Funny how it looks like a simple answer for my current problem I created for my self. I advised the same thing to my friend a week ago, never thought that I myself would find it relevant with my condition. Truth is I am feeling like my heart does not know the truth, and following my heart seems like a mistake, no?