Wednesday, May 16, 2018

One ultimate thing we call love

Few days ago Indonesians were shocked by several bombings happened in 2 straight days. For me, it was like having your old fear resurfaced. I can still recall that event back in December 2000. I went to the annual Christmas Eve mass with my whole family in St Yoseph Catholic church, Matraman. My little brother and my little cousin were so noisy that night that we came home earlier, before the final blessing, - if I'm not mistaken. 

We had already aware that there was bomb explosion in a nearby church ( I kinda forget whether that information came from a text message my dad received from our relative or we heard it previously in the middle of the mass), but we had not even have the slightest imagination that the bombing will be occured in our church. My family and I went to the parking area of Budaya's Catholic school which were located less than 100 meters from the church itself, since our car parked there. Before we get into the car, we sat on the bench at the parking lot - that was when we heard a very loud sound which somehow we could relate that a bomb has been exploded nearby. People at the parking lot were silenced for a brief moment, and so did we - we had no idea what to do. My dad instructed us to go home by walking (our house back then was in Tegalan, around 1 km from the church) for he afraid another bomb might be installed in one of the cars there.

As we prepared to walk, my aunt came crying. She was walking in front of Bank BNI (about 20 meters from the church) just after the mass (she stayed at the Mass until the final blessing)  when she saw the bomb exploded. She was so startled, much more than us for she saw the explosion directly. The loud sound of the explosion kept haunting my ears hours after. It was not a good memory for a child like me. I still get very emotional every time that memory crosses my mind.

Fast forward, we learned that the bomb was exploded in the bus shelter in front of my elementary school which was located beside the church. It killed some people and harmed many. Just minutes prior to the explosion, before the mass ended my brother and cousin were playing and running near that area. We were so lucky and grateful that the bomb did not killed or harm us. But, still we grieved for those who died and lost their relatives, those who should endured permanent damages on their bodies.

And now, it is hard to believe but it happened again. Worse, there are people who believe that the bombings are just another plot to cover some political issues. How could people think like that? It is a fact that there are people who have been taught wrong things or have wrongly interpreted a teaching that made them believe that killing themselves and other people would bring heaven to them. Sometimes I do pity them, for they too are victims of wrong indoctrination. 

I guess we have to go back to the ultimate thing we have, love. Just yesterday I read someone wrote "Love exists before religion does" and I could not agree more. Before humans were in touch with religions, they felt love first. Why don't we keep that one ultimate thing we call love live inside us? If we do, I guess no such thing as terrorism will happen - for love conquers all, including differences and hatred.

Monday, July 3, 2017

New York

I was sitting right beside the window on that Radio City Apartment. It was out of my expectation to see Times Square right across the street. I was listening to Adele and enjoying each minute of it. To be there for the first time. To be a part of that city that never sleeps. The city that has been in million people's dream. I was beyond grateful. It has been three and a half years, and still I can recall the feeling of that frozen moment.

Dear New York,

If only we can meet any soon, please let me. I have been longing for your crowded streets. I miss seeing the lights in your nights. Your snow and your coldness - I love them all. Once I dreamed to stay there, to learn from you, to pursuit my goal - somehow that dream seems so blurry and unreal. I feel like losing my plan, but you will always be a point of interest for me. People may come and go from my days, but it is still your dear New York, that calls me in the midst of the night. Dear New York, please do summon me - for the light within me is somehow fading, a little by little, each in a time.


your clueless admirer.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

I love you more

Here's the lyric of my current favorite love song from The Beatles:

 There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

Thursday, June 8, 2017


We all have doubt within us. Towards ourselves, towards others, towards today, and towards tomorrow. To question everything is so human, I guess. To compare things, to evaluate circumstances. To see something through various perspectives. To learn and adapt. To remember what has passed. To expect what we love. There is nothing wrong with doubt itself, ain't I right?*

p.s. as long as you stick to the plan :)

Monday, May 29, 2017


Train your self to let go everything you fear to lose - Yoda