Monday, July 3, 2017

New York

I was sitting right beside the window on that Radio City Apartment. It was out of my expectation to see Times Square right across the street. I was listening to Adele and enjoying each minute of it. To be there for the first time. To be a part of that city that never sleeps. The city that has been in million people's dream. I was beyond grateful. It has been three and a half years, and still I can recall the feeling of that frozen moment.

Dear New York,

If only we can meet any soon, please let me. I have been longing for your crowded streets. I miss seeing the lights in your nights. Your snow and your coldness - I love them all. Once I dreamed to stay there, to learn from you, to pursuit my goal - somehow that dream seems so blurry and unreal. I feel like losing my plan, but you will always be a point of interest for me. People may come and go from my days, but it is still your dear New York, that calls me in the midst of the night. Dear New York, please do summon me - for the light within me is somehow fading, a little by little, each in a time.


your clueless admirer.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

I love you more

Here's the lyric of my current favorite love song from The Beatles:

 There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

Thursday, June 8, 2017


We all have doubt within us. Towards ourselves, towards others, towards today, and towards tomorrow. To question everything is so human, I guess. To compare things, to evaluate circumstances. To see something through various perspectives. To learn and adapt. To remember what has passed. To expect what we love. There is nothing wrong with doubt itself, ain't I right?*

p.s. as long as you stick to the plan :)

Monday, May 29, 2017


Train your self to let go everything you fear to lose - Yoda

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Time heals.

It was a year ago when I was driving in the midst of the night.
I called her and told her about my plan to set up an e-mail.

To have someone open it once I surrender to eternity.
To reveal what has been hiding for years.
My deepest darkest secret.
The ultimate clue why I could never be a nice friend.
And then after minutes of me releasing my burden, she asked me
"Won't you regret it once everything change?"
Firmly, with no hesitation I simply reply
"Nothing will change. No matter what, it will remain the same"

Then here I am today.
And she was right, everything has changed.
I fell multiple times but I rose again.
I could stand still now.
I found my happiness.
For that I am so grateful.

It is not the same with a year ago.
I thank God for granting me those experiences.
Those were the best I could have at that time.
Besides, those were what I need at that time.

Things evolved.
Seasons comes and goes.
But most of all:
Time heals, eventually.

Monday, May 22, 2017


Just so you know that your voice is my favorite thing.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

You never know what tomorrow brings

Yesterday a dear friend of mine told me that I am a bit less uptight than I used to be, that I started to take things slowly. It might be true. Earlier this year, I prepared to take a big step in my life. I planned to make a change and was so ready to do this and that. I have already made a fuss on the preparation it self. In short, I was so busy preparing stuff for months ahead.

Then on April I was diagnosed with this disease. I had to undergo treatment in the course of several months. My medical condition forced me to lose what I have planned. I lost my chance to have a change in my career. I have to give up what I was planned and thought for months.

See? I have to say goodbye to the thing that I almost have. That is when I realized that everything can happen, everything can change in a wink. There are things outside our control that may occur whether we want it or not. Bad things, good things - they happen in the way that sometimes you cannot predicted. And worrying is not a good way to overcome those things. So, just let go things. Stop worrying for it won't change a thing. Enjoy the moment. Think less about what happened or what will. Live in now. For you don't know what tomorrow brings.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

What matters the most

Bad thing happens. In the way we could not imagine. In the form we have never predicted. In the time we could not foresee.

The moment I thought I was on the top of the world, ready to pursuit my new goal - that's it. That's how reality kicked in.

And then I realized how every single thing I used to take for granted - it matters.
The daily situation I complained due to its dullness - it matters
The ability to just walk in a peaceful feeling - it matters
The moment I can talk cheerfully without guilt - it matters
The morning I could spend by sipping on my favorite Java Chip - it matters
The random late night travel to the mountain side - it matters

Yet I took those things for granted. It is cliche but true that we don't appreciate what we have until it is taken away from us.

As I write this I realize - so many are the things I have that I don't be grateful for.

A healthy body to function normally. The family that is full of joy and love. The job I enjoy. Those I love who love me back.

So starting today, being grateful would be one of my personal trait. I do hope I will always be.

Friday, August 26, 2016


There are two great causes of regret: the thing we did and the thing we did not do. Someone once told me that between those two, the thing he did not do was the one that harmed him more. At that time I was completely agree with him. But recently, I kinda thing that it is the thing I did that cause more pain to me. The words I said, the act I chose - the memory of that day keep repeating inside my head and haunting me. Sometimes you can hate your self more than you hate anyone else. You hurt the people you love and you regret it. Well, words cause mess sometimes.


I know how it feels to lose something. Name it a book I like, my favorite cellphone, my lovely white top, and so on. I've been coping with losing just like others human being. I went mad for a while, turned sad, and puff, as the time passed by, some lost completely lost on the way, while some still left scar till today. However, I learn that the most devastated feeling incurred by the feeling of losing faith in someone you are close to. Once you lose your faith, there is nothing spared. To have faith on someone means you trust them. Once that faith broke, you will find your self sitting alone, at your favorite coffee shop, with no idea how to bring back what lost from you.