Tuesday, August 20, 2013

you can never go back

do you have idea about growing up? because, it is an abstract thing when you still feel as a child who is trapped in an older body. and that way, life becomes so clueless and strange. there are no one to ask nor cry for. they say you should do what you love and leave what you hate. then problem comes when you can't determine whether you love one thing or hate it. and you realize even a simple thing such as distinguishing love and hate , is such a difficult mystery. you have no solution nor answer, then you go blank. you have no idea what to do or how to react upon that thing. you go further and farther with no intention to fall, but you do. and reality calls you back. you kick away your feeling and have your logic with your action. you become stronger and grow a bit mature, and suddenly plans are your best friends. you plan where to walk, how to respond, and sort of things. you become a doll of your own. you bury your inner self deep down. no one knows the fact, the feeling, and the love you had back then. they only know you as a heartless one, who build life based on logic and calculation. nothing is wrong by doing that, but you know one thing for sure, you become empty. and as the day goes by, the hole you created for yourself becomes bigger and bigger. and you keep walk on your life as like nothing happened. Until the moment comes, when something triggers you and makes you keep asking whether you did right or not. But no one has any power to judge your own feeling, right? and again the problem is not being right or not, but to create peace in you self. you blame logic and all the knowledge you have, but deep down inside you know, whatever choices you choose, you will always be hurt and feel that pain. and that time you remember what she said once " you can never go back" and probably that is happening right now. once you are trapped, you can't pull yourself out, at least for a while

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